all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
