Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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