i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
