My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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