YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
