I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
