you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
