when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize