I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
