Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
