I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
