Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
