need another drink. this is the easiest way
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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