its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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