Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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