Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
