hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
