Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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