you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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