I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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