the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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