oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
