so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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