Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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