how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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