Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize