Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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