I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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