oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
