i barfeds in our rink
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
