In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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