he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
