Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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