I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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