Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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