You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Someone came in the potted fern
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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