I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
