im drinking this country out of the recession.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize