Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
