his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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