omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
