it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My bed smells like the plague
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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