I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize