You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
