Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
