the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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