She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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