I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
