I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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