So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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