i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
