i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
