Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
