Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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