Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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