That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
