Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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