Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
