Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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