Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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