I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.