a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
