Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.

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(517): I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie. http://tfl.nu/vu4d

Replies (7) Good night (1422) Bad night (575)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.

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(508): currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/vzj2

Replies (12) Good night (5538) Bad night (1046)
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(207): View more from Maine

reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face

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(207): reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face http://tfl.nu/zdhw

Replies (52) Good night (8791) Bad night (1391)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

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(918): It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever. http://tfl.nu/0i0j

Replies (31) Good night (948) Bad night (5948)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.

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(313): Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes. http://tfl.nu/gyak

Replies (8) Good night (3663) Bad night (1605)
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(925): View more from California

What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party

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(925): What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party http://tfl.nu/qwra

Replies (3) Good night (1333) Bad night (631)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.

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(240): Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood. http://tfl.nu/tqto

Replies (3) Good night (1090) Bad night (506)
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(415): View more from California

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

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(415): Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/kxjk

Replies (8) Good night (2350) Bad night (478)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!

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(303): Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday! http://tfl.nu/vtjz

Replies (2) Good night (1088) Bad night (501)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Basically.

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(918): Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god. (1-918): Basically. http://tfl.nu/nlil

Replies (8) Good night (2931) Bad night (505)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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(651): god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again. (508): I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended. http://tfl.nu/x893

Replies (2) Good night (466) Bad night (312)
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(727): View more from Florida

Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!

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(727): Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW! http://tfl.nu/6dh9

Replies (5) Good night (994) Bad night (317)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.

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(203): I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life. http://tfl.nu/lclu

Replies (1) Good night (574) Bad night (330)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any

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(602): You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any http://tfl.nu/y6q6

Replies (2) Good night (707) Bad night (277)
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(765): View more from Indiana

Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"

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(765): Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load" http://tfl.nu/71u8

Replies (4) Good night (348) Bad night (1217)

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