I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.