I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that