Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I want a musical about memes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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