he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
