my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I intend to get homeless drunk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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